You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
How naked do you want me to be?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
