this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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