just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
