a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
