New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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