You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
