sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
