He is such a slut. More and more my type.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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