doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
