I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
