I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
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we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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