Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
