i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
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just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
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I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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