Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
