I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Randomize