this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
