If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
