nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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