Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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