All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
too bad you live with your parents still
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
