i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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