it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
false alarm. still invincible.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
