I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
