We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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