Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize