whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
