my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
