Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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