My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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