marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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