so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
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90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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