lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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