The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
