He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
