so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
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