you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
