ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize