this beer tastes like vomit already
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
