I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Randomize
