yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
