Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
