U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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