And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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