Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
