You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
