If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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