i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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