Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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