I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
