Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
