Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
