I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski