he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.