I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
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cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
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I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom