The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw