I can text with my tongue
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.