Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
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Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
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I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.