u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Houston, we have a blender
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
