Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
