There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
