Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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