drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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