so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
