So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
