On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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